Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Welcome Ladies! As a Speaker and Relationship Coach, I will show you a new perspective on how to be confident woman as bold as red lipstick! If you've ever been frustrated by the men in your life or felt overwhelmed trying to find your own balance and harmony, you have come to the right place for some answers!

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HappyThanksgivingDuring this time of year I’m reminded of all the amazing things in my life I have to be thankful for. My family, my health, my wonderful friends, and my handsome-loving Man all come to mind when I’m having a moment of gratitude. I also think about how gracious everyone is during this time of year, and I wonder how much of it is really influenced by the “spirit of the season” of giving thanks and appreciation. It might seem obvious, but why is it that the rest of the year, some people may not seem as willing to give thanks?

I remember how good I feel whenever someone thanks me for the help I give them, or shows appreciation for my contribution to them in some way. It literally has me want to do more of that appreciated act of kindness even if they haven’t asked me. On the flip side, when I’m criticized for some way that I’m not helping like I use to, although I’ll pick up the torch and carry it once again, I’m suddenly less motivated to give it my all. Have you ever felt that way?

Of course, I find myself relating these thoughts back to the way men and women interact. We may be as different as cats and dogs, yet my search continues for ways that we can have harmony with each other. What can I say… it’s my happy obsession!

While feeling the sting of having been criticized in the past, I suddenly wondered how men relate to criticism. Have you ever asked your husband or boyfriend, “How come you don’t bring me flowers anymore?” Or asked him, “Why don’t you ever say you love me like you used to?” The men I’ve talked to about this say that such comments can cut like deep criticism, and have them think their woman “doubts his care and affection for her.” It may even seem almost impossible to please her when she is only noticing the things he’s NOT doing. The women I spoke to confirmed they might have a similar reaction from the criticism of men. Either way, it’s clear that it can be disheartening to receive criticism from someone you love.

However, these same men responded to appreciation dramatically different than the criticism. When their women appreciated them, and expressed “how much she loves it when he brings flowers, or how happy it makes her to hear him say he loves her,” It appeared in their minds that now “she is giving him hints on how to make her happy.”

I was both intrigued, and amazed by this! I remember growing up and noticing the times my Mom criticized my Dad when he didn’t hug my sisters and I enough, or for not taking us out to dinner more often. I know my Mom thought she was doing a good thing by pointing out where he could improve and be a better Father, but I see now that my Dad may have received it as criticism. Perhaps he would have responded differently to… “The girls love it when you hug them,” or “thanks for taking us to dinner– I love moments like that when we can go out as a family.” As an adult, I’m so thankful to enjoy a greater closeness with my Dad, as I show appreciation for both my parents and the support they give me.

Perhaps this season, you too will see the power of giving thanks and appreciation—so much so that it will spill over into the rest of your year. I know I certainly am more mindful of it now!

I’d love to hear about your experience of showing appreciation rather than criticism this season! Please email me at mary@redlipstickinc.com with your comments, questions, and stories. Happy Thanksgiving!

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