Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Welcome Ladies! As a Speaker and Relationship Coach, I will show you a new perspective on how to be confident woman as bold as red lipstick! If you've ever been frustrated by the men in your life or felt overwhelmed trying to find your own balance and harmony, you have come to the right place for some answers!

Subscribe to my blog, and get ideas and tips for being your best self, and getting what you need from your man with a lot less effort. Perhaps you'll learn something new, or get a reminder to practice living in your fabulousness. Enjoy!

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men and women madLove is a pretty powerful emotion isn’t it?  If you have children, you no doubt love them so much you   would do anything for them.  I know I would go above and beyond for my loved ones.   As women, love can have us adapt to what is needed in each moment, whether it be nurturing a close friend in sadness, going to see your husband’s favorite band that you’re not crazy about, or perhaps even cancelling plans with your girlfriends for a hot date…all in the name of love, right?  I didn’t realize that men were different in this way until I over-heard a woman on a street corner telling another woman, “If he loved me enough, he would take out the trash without me telling him!”  I admit, I chuckled a bit to myself, because I wondered, ”What’s love got do with it?”

Then I realized that love has a lot to do with it, because as women, if we love someone, we often do all the things we think will make them happy, even if it’s something we would not choose to do.  I remember in a past relationship, I learned to fish, because of love.  I haven’t picked up a fishing rod since! 

I’ve seen over the years that we as women will move mountains for love.  What an amazing gift we have as the nurtures of the world!  It is natural that we might expect men to do the same.  This can cause some misunderstandings though, as Men are natural providers and protectors.  So imagine if the Hunter of a tribe decided to stay home with his woman to have quality time rather than hunt the deer?  The tribe would starve, and his woman would not be very happy.  In fact, the hunter might need to go on a long hunt just to make sure the tribe would have enough food to last.    Learning about these instincts has shed much light on a lot of my past frustrations with men.  Have you too ever found yourself thinking any of the following thoughts?

-“If he loved me enough, he would take five minutes every day to say hello in the middle of his work day” -“If he loved me enough, he would marry me now so that I could have kids before I’m past my prime.”
-“If he loved me enough, he would cancel his football night with the guys, so we could be together.”

When I’ve talked to men about this, they confirm that protecting and providing for the women in their life is the biggest way they show their love.  So he might work long hours to provide for his family so they have every thing they need.   He might  not want to get married right now, because he wants to be more stable in his job to provide the right home, and lifestyle for his wife and family, as that is what he thinks a good husband and father should do.  He may even need to spend time with the guys, so that he can get out some of the aggression he had at work, and be completely present when he comes home to you?

The next time you are upset about something your man did or didn’t do, rather than think to yourself, “If he loved me enough…” , perhaps you’ll remember that he may be providing and protecting for you in some way to show you how much he cares.  You might even say, “I understand you aren’t able to do this for me now.  When would be a good time, and what needs to happen so that you can do this for me?  In the example of marriage, you might ask, “What would need to happen for it to be the right time for you to be married and have children?”  Who knows… you might get the inside scoop on his plan of action, and find out that he was planning it with you in mind all along!

When’s the last time you had a “If he loved me enough” moment?  I look forward to hearing your stories!

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Smiling-ManGrowing up, I remember my Mom giving me relationship advice about how to find a man that would treat me like a Queen. I valued her insight so much, as I know she always wanted the best for me. I remember at the time, thinking to myself: "Well, if he is going to treat me like a queen, how should I treat him?" Now that I’m in a relationship in which I feel so loved and cared for, I find myself really wanting to give back to him. I love doing even the smallest things to have him feel appreciated even if it’s telling him how much I appreciate him fixing the sub-woofer in my car.  I love the way he smiles when he feels appreciated.  I notice how much more he seems to want to do for me when I appreciate him. 

I recently read an amazing article written by a man who talks about five easy ways to make your man smile. Click on the link below for the full article. Try any of these and see how quickly your man seems to smile and be happier. You might even find him being more responsive to you and your needs.

What kind of relationship advise did your Mom give you growing up?  I have heard so much wisdom over the years from  mothers and grandmothers I come in contact with.  Feel free to go to my site www.redlipstickinc.com  and click on ASK MARY, to send me your stories and questions. I can answer them on my next blog post. Your stories help the rest of us learn so much!

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Man Smile

 

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Lately, it’s been taking all I’ve got to stay positive and keep my mind on happy thoughts and the happy road ahead.  Sometimes it is certainly easier said than done.  I’m sure many of you agree that now is a time when friends, family, and relationships matter the most.  This is the time when we need the support of those closest to us to get through any challenges we may be facing—whether it be with our health, finances, or our mental well-being.  Thank god my boyfriend doesn’t run the other way when I’m feeling a bit crazy for no reason!  I cherish all the words of love and encourage I get from my sisters, my friends, and most of all my Man.  In spite of this, it seems relationships can still be very challenging.  It seems apparent on the newstands, on T.V, and even in my own neighborhood—that many relationships are suffering.  In an interview on the talk show, The View From The Bay, Relationship Expert, Alison Armstrong suggested two questions that we might ask  our significant others for some insight on what could be missing. 

1) What do you need from me that you’ve given up on getting from me?

2) Is there anything I’m doing or any way I’m being that is losing your respect and affinity?

These questions might seem a little uncomfortable to face the answers to, but they can help us be aware of potential road-blocks in our relationships before it’s too late, and one of us gives up entirely.  This doesn’t mean that we must all of sudden provide everything our significant other wants in an instant, it simply begins the conversation and may help us explore how we can give them what they need.  Imagine having this conversation with your loved ones every few months?  I think I want to ask these questions to my boyfriend as well as my friends.  Alison suggests this could strengthen our bonds and help create even more amazing relationships!  Click below to view the full 6 minute interview.  Here’s to sticking together and getting through all the bumps in the road!

 

http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/video?id=6811350&section=view_from_the_bay

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