Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Welcome Ladies! As a Speaker and Relationship Coach, I will show you a new perspective on how to be confident woman as bold as red lipstick! If you've ever been frustrated by the men in your life or felt overwhelmed trying to find your own balance and harmony, you have come to the right place for some answers!

Subscribe to my blog, and get ideas and tips for being your best self, and getting what you need from your man with a lot less effort. Perhaps you'll learn something new, or get a reminder to practice living in your fabulousness. Enjoy!



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Great-Men-in-Womens-Eyes This seems a simple question doesn’t it?  It’s a small detail, and yet if our man doesn’t know the color of our eyes, it can have us think that he doesn’t care about us, and perhaps it can even feel like he’s not being present enough to notice even the little things about us.  This week, my friend Kimberly told me about her shock, when her boyfriend thought her eyes were hazel, when they are clearly brown.  She couldn’t understand how he could look into her eyes during their many soulful conversations, and not remember that she had brown eyes!

I could relate to Kimberly’s disappointment and frustration.  As women, we are so good at remembering the details about the people we love.  One would think we have a photographic memory that stores all the preferences– favorite foods, clothes, books, movies, songs, colors, and virtually all the details involving our loved ones, so that we can show how much we care by buying them their favorite cd, cooking their favorite meal, or taking them to their favorite place.

I often smile, when my boyfriend and I go to a restaurant, and he asks me, “Do you remember what I got the last time we were here?  Did I like it?”  By now, he knows that I remember many of those details and loves that I can provide that for him.  I think that reflex ability in me might be something that Gatherers used back in the cave man days when they needed to know exactly where the ripe berries were located in the meadow, and which ones were poisonous, or high in caloric value.  If they didn’t remember these details, the survival of the tribe was in danger.

For men, the survival of the tribe was dependent on their ability to hunt.  Even today, men use their single-focus to hunt “results” all day long.  Sometimes, I’ll notice when my boyfriend is so focused on getting us to a party or a movie on time, that he doesn’t notice my new outfit, and forgets to tell me how pretty I look.   The last time this happened, I remembered the fact that he was focused on getting us there.  That was his job, and he was committed to getting me their safely.  I also remembered that when a man is in hunt-mode, all other details that are not related to the hunt are tuned out.  When we got to restaurant, he arranged for us to sit right next to each other in the booth ( I looove sitting close to him), and when we got settled,  I knew he was done with his hunt, when he looked at me, and said, “Hi Pretty-girl”, and gave me a big kiss.  I told him in that moment how much I love when he notices me and tells me I’m pretty.  Since then, he seems to notice me, and tell me I’m pretty all the time, and when I least expect it.  Those are the best moments!

Perhaps, your man may be so single-focused on his hunt, that he doesn’t notice certain details that you think are important.  Rather than conclude that he doesn’t care about you, perhaps you’ll remember that he may be focused on a different result, like providing for you in some way.  Give him a clue about the certain details that are important to you—that show you that he cares.  Maybe even give him a hint by asking, “How do I look?  I just got my hair done today”  Then you might tell him how much you love when he notices that one thing that will have you smiling all day!  Enjoy those unexpected moments of yumminess that follow!

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Doesn’t it feel amazing when someone you love appreciates you?  As women, we are naturally so nurturing as we adapt to the needs of our family, our friends, that we may even put ourselves last.  Many women I’ve talked to have expressed heartfelt sadness when they don’t feel appreciated for all they do for their family, and even the company they work for.  It can then feel like a burden to continue to give to people who we don’t feel appreciate us.  Believe it or not, the same is true for men!   In fact, this is often the secret ingredient to getting what we need from men.  However, It seems appreciation may be under-rated and sometimes forgotten when stress takes us over.  The amazing thing about this last step in the Harmony Process, is that it can be as simple as one moment, and one smile.  Review all four steps below, and complete your journey to Confident Harmony with appreciation!  Who knows—perhaps you’ll find yourself feeling more appreciated too!!  Enjoy!!


Step 1:  Identify the so-called “Stupid” Behavior without Evaluation
Rather than see the behavior for what you think it means, try observing the actions only.

Step 2:  Get Clear with Your Expectations
Ask yourself: What were you expecting him to know or do in that situation? Is it possible that he had no idea you had this expectation? How did it make you feel when he didn’t do it?  Do you think he was purposely trying to make you feel that way? 

Step 3: Clearly Requesting What You Need & Getting it!
Specifically Request what you need—even if you think it’s obvious.   Clearly state why it is important to you, what it really gives you, and give him a clear result to shoot for.

Step 4: Offer Him Your Appreciation and Reveal the Hero!

As simple as it is to show appreciation, I remember moments when I didn’t always feel so generous with it.  I’ve talked to some women who also found it difficult to offer it, especially if THEY didn’t feel appreciated for what they do.  One woman said, “Why should I appreciate every little thing he does, when I do so much more, and I hardly ever get a – thank you!”  I could understand the burden she felt, as she was overwhelmed by her to-do list and responsibilities as a wife and mother.  She explained to me that she didn’t have the luxury of waiting for appreciation to get things done.  I couldn’t help but think of the saying I’ve heard to “Give the thing you most want.”

When we are tired and exhausted, it might be difficult to even think about having gratitude when we just need the trash to be taken out, or help with the groceries.  What would happen if we decided to offer our appreciation anyway?  This is one those situations when we might ask, “Which came first—the chicken, or the egg?”  In this case, which came first– the hero or the appreciation?  The amazing thing I realized is that even in our most exhausted state, appreciation can be as simple as a smile, and that smile can be enough to have a man want to move mountains for us.

The other night, my friend Danielle told me about how amazed she was when she showed her husband appreciation for helping her with tasks around the house.  The next day, she said he was asking her what else she needed, and what else he could do for her! Appreciation is really like “fuel” for men—even more so than we think.  This is especially true when we are requesting the things we need and want.  As step 4 in the harmony process, it’s the key to revealing the Hero in the men around you.  Even when he doesn’t do something exactly the way you needed it done, appreciating him for his efforts and desire to give you what you need will have him want to try harder next time, and he will likely come to your rescue more often! 

This week, practice your appreciation for even the smallest things you ask men to do for you, and see what happens!  Behold the power of your smile, your thank you-s, and your hugs of gratitude.  You may find Heroes coming to life all around you!

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thumbnailCAQUMSOYCalling all Confident Women! I know you are out there, and as much faith as you have in yourself, and as good as you are at getting things done, do you ever have a moment of feeling over-whelmed? Do you ever just wish that the man in your life would SEE how over-whelmed you are and rescue you once in a while? I have had many, many moments like that, and I even thought the men in my life were clueless, until I finally learned this next step in the harmony process. Try it, and enjoy getting what you need instead of always having to do it yourself for change!

Step 3: Clearly Request What You Need
This step might seem simple to do– and you might even think you are really good at it. Think about how many times you’ve asked your man do do something, and after the third or fourth time, you finally gave up when he didn’t do it. He may have even complained that you keep nagging him, right? I added the word “Clearly” in this step, because I noticed that as clear as I always thought I was being, given that men and women think differently, I found that my requests were not being received and understood in a way that would have them act.

Clearly requesting what you need means, stating even what YOU think is obvious. Remember, last week, we talked about our expectations? Well, knowing exactly what you’re expecting will help you ask for what you need specifically. One woman I interviewed named Betty told me about the time she sent her husband to the store for some parmesan cheese. She assumed he would get the same brand she always got- to her it was obvious. When he got back, she couldn’t believe–he bought the first parmesan cheese he saw–which turned out to be an imported brand that cost twenty dollars. She mentioned that he had this proud look on his face that he got the right type of cheese that she didn’t have the heart to tell him it was not the kind she really wanted.

Even this simple example of the cheese illustrates the importance of being specific and clear with what you need. Men are so good at being single-focused on a RESULT like: Get the cheese– that they are not destracted by the details. I remember Betty saying, “Well, I guess I’ll just have to buy the parmesan cheese from now on.” I suggested that she use her husband’s strength of single focus to her advantage. So she took my advice and gave him a different result, by writing down the name and price of the cheese she likes before he went to the store the next time.

This week, try “Clearly Requesting What You Need.” If it is something like taking out the trash, or doing something around the house that you think obviously needs to be done, honor the fact that it’s not obvious to him, since he is probably single-focused on a different result. You can clearly ask by saying : “I know you’re busy with work during the week, and you may not notice the trash when it’s full. If I let you know when it’s full, would you be willing take it out FOR ME? It makes me so happy when the kitchen smells clean.” Be sure you let him know how it will make you feel. When he knows that he can win with you by doing this for you, you may find him asking you what else you need. Practice this step, and stay tuned for the final step in the Harmony Process next week!

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442495a-i1-01Last week, I talked about the mystery of men being “Emotionally Unavailable.”  One friend shed light on what it felt like when her boyfriend lacked in this area, causing her to break up with him.  After further discussion and much research, I discovered that we may not really want men to have all the emotions that we as women do, but we DO want to feel their “presence” with us.  We want to feel them connecting with us in that moment we are with them.  The men I spoke to admitted that they are most able to be present and feel their woman when they are get to transition from their previous task or “hunt” from that day.  So the question I proposed last week is, “How do we allow men to transition?” 

The men I interviewed all differed a little in the ways that they transitioned from task to task, but they all seem to have some kind of transition ritual.  One man who works as an EMT, giving emergency medical treatment to trauma patients, mentioned that his transition ritual involves playing video games for thirty minutes.  He said, he gets to take all of his frustrations out on the bad guys in the games, and he can transition away from his stressful job to being present with his wife and two kids. After thirty minutes of game-playing, his wife mentioned that he comes over to her, and the first thing he does is ask about her day, and focuses on what she needs in that moment.  She recalls this being a far cry from the short,flat response she use to get from him when she rushed him at the front door– first thing with hugs, and details of her day with the kids.

I also remember my previous boss who use to get a cup of coffee on his way to his desk every morning.  It seemed almost a religious practice for him.  On the days when he didn’t get to enjoy his cup of coffee before my colleagues and I  all started bombarding him with the issues of the day, he seemed scattered, a bit frustrated, and didn’t appear to want to hear anything we had to say.  I see now that, he was probably reacting to not getting his coffee “transition ritual” to go from being at home with his family to his new “hunt of the day” at work.

I notice my boyfriend has his own transition ritual when he gets home from his last “hunt” too.  He empties his pockets, takes off his shoes, and checks his email for about 15-20 minutes.  His transition appears complete, because then he looks up at me, and asks about what I want to do or talk about next.  The focus is on me and I must say, feeling his amazing presence and connection with me is sooo worth it!

The next time you don’t feel like your man is connecting with you, perhaps you’ll consider that maybe he didn’t get his transition time.  Think about what his last hunt might have been?  Was he solving a problem at work, dealing with an intense situation, or analyzing a complex matter?  Chances are he hasn’t transitioned to being with you in that moment.  Understand that he would much rather be connecting with your feminine yumminess, but he might not be complete with his current “hunt” that is taking all of his attention.  He may also not even be aware that you are feeling deprived of his connection.  Remember…he can’t read your mind.  Although,  I know sometimes we think they should be able to, right?

To help him transition, you might asd, “Would you like some time to unwind before dinner?” Or “You seem distracted, is there something you needed to finish before we go out tonight?”  You might even ask your man what he likes to do when he gets home from work to transition to being at home?  Honor whatever it might be, even if he tells you he likes watching T.V. for a while.  Remember, it’s a ritual, and be ready to receive the amazing after-effects of him getting that time he needs. 

Men experience feeling through the physical, which is why they like playing contact sports, and why they like being touched.  I’ve never talked to a guy who didn’t light up at the thought of a massage.  You may find your man more “present” with the help of your gentle hands.  A nice neck rub, or back scratch can often help a man be more present to “feeling.”  Feeling then leads to connecting and being more available to you!  Enjoy it Ladies!


Please do write back with any aha! moments you have when you find your man is getting his transition time.  Was he more present and available to you?  Tell me everything!

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AB02258 This week I was thinking of the expression, “It’s better to be give, than to receive.”  I grew up hearing it a lot from adults, and I remember how much fun I’ve had giving through out my life.  I am especially reminded of the special high that comes from giving during this time of the year, when we are all in the giving spirit.

I pondered for a moment, wondering why it feels so good to give.   I smiled and thought of all the yummy giving moments I’ve had over the years—from the back-rubs I gave my grandfather when I was five—to the times I dyed my Mom’s hair for her.   I suddenly came to the realization that it wouldn’t have been as much fun to give, if those I gave to weren’t great receivers. To this day, when someone thanks me for the gift I gave them,  my help with the dishes, taking the groceries out of the car, or even making an extra grilled cheese sandwich, I feel so appreciated, and I know that my gift has been received.  Even better, is the fact that they let me give to them.

Have you ever offered help or tried to give to someone, only to have them say, “No thanks!”  Did you feel a little disappointed?  I know I have.  The other day, I was talking to a Man who mentioned “how confused he was with women these days.”  He said that often he’ll try to open a door for a woman, or offer help in some way, but so often she’ll stop him, and say, “No, thanks—I got it!”  Could it be that we as women have become such great givers, that sometimes, we forget to receive? 

This same Man seemed disheartened when he explained how much he really liked helping, and wished his wife would ask him to hang stuff on the walls more often, rather than do it herself before he got home from work.  He explained how cool it was when she used to ask him to lift heavy boxes, or do things that required a man’s strength.  The best part, he said was afterwards, “when she expressed her appreciation with a huge smile beaming from ear to ear.” 

As I listened to him reminisce about giving, I thought to myself, “Ah, yes—that’s the same kind of appreciation I feel from those I give to.  No wonder he feels deprived of giving.”  After our conversation, I couldn’t help but think of receiving in a whole new light.  Perhaps the real trick to being a great giver, is to be an even better receiver!  As a bonus to being a great receiver, I remembered that “receptivity” is one of the four most attractive qualities of women.

When we allow men to give to us, and help us—we get to practice the gift of receiving.  Sure, you can hang those pictures on your own, but why not let your man have an opportunity to express his way of giving and taking care of you?  If you are like me, I know there is a strong possibility that you have a certain way you like things done (How many of you re-clean the kitchen after he does the dishes? ).  The next time your man offers to give to you in some way, perhaps you’ll forget about the right way (your way) just this once, and practice receiving his gifts instead.  Trust me– it will be worth it, when you find that he offers to give to you– more and more, and more…  Enjoy!!

Please send me your best stories of your man giving to you this season.  How well did you receive??

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DatingHave you ever dated a guy, and decided to call it quits because there just wasn’t enough “chemistry?” If so, you are not alone. It seems our culture has put a huge value on chemistry between men and women. If we don’t have chemistry, we don’t seem to have that “spark” that has us be attracted to them. When I learned what chemistry really is, I found myself realizing why all the guys I liked in high school made my palms sweat when they walked by me, and why I could barely speak in their presence.

When we feel chemistry with someone, what we may be feeling is a chemical reaction. More specifically, it’s the reaction of dopamine-the feel good chemical & testosterone-the hunter hormone our body has when we have an intense physical attraction. The rush of this attraction might be so intense, that it has us be in survival mode as “we must have his sperm to promote the survival of our species.” It may sound crazy, but it can truly feel like a life and death situation if we don’t get that guy, when we are under the influence of this drug I will now affectionately call chemistry. ( Perhaps that’s why I remember so many of my girlfriends in high school say, “I’ll just die if he doesn’t ask me to prom!”)

In my twenties, I remember dating several guys that seemed to trigger this chemical reaction in me. They were so good-looking, seemed so strong and manly, and possessed my vision of the Ken Doll, that I just had to have them. I knew I had it bad, when I couldn’t sleep, work, or do anything else without wondering what my dream guy was doing, when I’d see him, how come he hadn’t called me in three hours, or if he would notice when I wore his favorite color. I also seemed to get my feelings hurt a lot when I was with them.

I can see now that my physical chemical reaction to them had me contort myself into who I thought I needed to be to win them. I was in hunt mode, and I completely lost myself. I lost my likes and dislikes, my preferences, and I lost all the things that were important to me. Eventually, things didn’t work out, because I grew exhausted being this other person, and I wasn’t really giving them a chance to show me who they really were either. How many of you can relate to Katherine Heigl’s character in the move: “The Ugly Truth?” I laughed so hard, because I could see myself in her. Remember how much she changed who she was just to win the guy of her dreams? In the end, the guy she fell in love with was the guy who got to see who she really was. He was charmed and enchanted by her authentic self, and actually wanted to be with her beyond the physical attraction.

Whether you’re in a relationship or single and dating, perhaps you’ll notice those moments when the chemical reaction of intense physical attraction is clouding your thinking and having you behave like someone else. Your friends may also be a great radar to sound the alarm, when you are twisting yourself like a pretzel to get the guy. Instead, try dating off-type or spending time with guys that don’t have you be speechless in their presence. Remember, the physical attraction will lead to sex, but being your authentic self can lead to finding someone who wants to spend time with you and make you happy in addition to all the other fun activities you will share together…

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42-16106965In the midst of your days of taking care of the kids, running errands, or working your full-time job, do you ever wonder how on earth you could possibly transform yourself into the sensual goddess that your boyfriend or husband might like you to be?

I know I often get so caught up in the throws of everyday life, I forget that as a woman, I’m actually a feminine being. I got a huge reminder one day, when I read that one of the top four qualities that attract men to women is: “Sensuality.” I had to stop mid-sentence to ask out-loud — what exactly does sensuality look like? My mind immediately drifted to images of Victoria Secret models in barely-there angel bras and lingerie with air-brushed skin. I suddenly found myself saddened at my misfortune of not having a whole crew to help me look like a freshly coiffed model who sat in a make-up chair for two hours, revealing a picture of perfection. Then I came back to reality, and decided to find out what this sensual business was all about.

As I embark on this short quest to the island of Sensuality, I invite you to join me. Together, perhaps we’ll discover that our own sensuality may not be hidden in the Bermuda triangle after all. According to Captain Webster, sensuality means: to arouse or excite the senses or appetites. Well, that certainly doesn’t sound like it even involves anyone else, does it? Could it be that by simply exciting our own senses, we can embody sensuality? Perhaps what men are really responding to is our own excitement and pleasure. Hmm, I wonder if the Victoria’s Secret models have figured this out yet? Could be one of their many secrets!

When I think of exciting my own senses, I remember how amazing my skin feels when I slather on vanilla lotion, or how I moan with delight, when I slowly take a bite of my favorite dessert, creme brulee. It seems, these are the moments, when we give our senses a real treat and are present to that pleasure. Listening to my favorite song that gets me in the mood to dance, or smelling my own perfume on my wrist, has me be in the moment and witness my own joy, that I can’t help but let it show. Often my boyfriend will look at me with a huge smile when I’m really enjoying one of these moments. Now I know that he’s probably noticing my sensual side.

This must be what my friend Victor meant the other day, when he described a woman he was with at Starbucks. He said that she had a look on her face as she sipped her latte that seemed as though she was experiencing both joy and pleasure in that very moment. He said the way she also seemed to take her time with her own experience was so attractive and very inviting.

Who knew that by having a party with our own senses and giving ourselves the permission to enjoy our own little moments of pleasure that we could actually be “Sensual?” Whether it be enjoying each bite of a good meal, listening to each note of sweet music, or slowly feeling the softness of your own skin, these can be very sensual, inviting experiences, and you don’t have to look like an orgasmic model in a Herbal Essence commercial. Perhaps this week in the midst of your busy schedule, you’ll take an extra moment and pause to enjoy whatever treats you give your senses. You might even notice who else is noticing you…enjoy!

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Is He too Opinionated?

December 2, 2009

opinions.gifDid you ever find yourself talking to a man who seemed too pushy with his opinion? I’ve come across many men in my life who I thought were so opinionated and stubborn especially when it was about something as trivial as Toyota being the best brand of car to buy, or that shapely arms are the sexiest part of a woman’s body. It even seemed at times that they would defend their opinions to the death. I couldn’t relate–in fact I thought they were behaving so silly and ridiculous over nothing. You may be nodding your head in agreement…

What I didn’t realize back then is how men relate to their opinions differently than women. For a man, his opinion is a window into his soul, to see what he really cares about, and values. Men base these values on facts and information they trust. When my friend was adamant about Toyota being the best brand, it was based on the facts he gathered. After I got over what I thought was completely stupid behavior at the time, I asked him why he thought that way? He finally shared some of the data he studied that showed Toyota having the safest, and the most economical cars at that time. Then I finally got it! Safety and getting a good return on investment were both important values that were part of who he was. No wonder he seemed a little disappointed when I didn’t see his point at first. It must have appeared as though I was rejecting him as a person.

Of course, as women–this may still not make sense, since we may often base our opinion about someone or something on our feelings about them. This is one of our many gifts that help us relate to people and be sensitive to what is needed by others. We can be so in touch with our feelings that we may rely on them to help us make decisions. Often I choose my outfit for the day, based on how I want to feel–girlie, professional, or maybe relaxed. I think that’s where the term, “shoe confidence” might have came from. I have found myself even deciding if I like people based on how I feel when I’m around them.

This was made clear to me when I use to work at Staples in the corporate sales department. On many occasions, I got excited about a big order I was about to get. I had such great relationships with my clients, and felt so good about the great job I was doing, that my enthusiasm was very obvious–especially to my manager who made me really uncomfortable. He always rained on my parade by asking with a sarcastic tone,”Have they signed the contract yet? Don’t hatch all your eggs until the order is delivered.” I remember feeling like he just didn’t like me, and I couldn’t leave his office fast enough. One day he shared with me how he once lost a big order because of problems with delivery, so after that he played by the book, and didn’t report any sales until they were officially delivered. I laughed inside, remembering how personal I took his previous remarks. The next time I showed enthusiasm about my future successes, I gave him a few more facts like the delivery dates, and watched as his face lit up with excitement too!

The next time you hear a man sharing his opinion you don’t agree with or understand, rather than try to argue with him, or think he’s being stubborn and dismissing your feelings like I did, perhaps you’ll see an opportunity to learn more about what he values and cares about. Try asking him, ” What has you believe that way?”, or “Can I ask what had you make that decision? Who knows, You might be surprised by what he shares about himself.

As I research for my upcoming book about men, I’d love to hear your stories of the men you love and their opinions you just don’t understand. Please send them my way to:

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HWK054 After finishing dinner at my parents house a few weeks ago, my Mom reminded us to  put our dishes in the dishwasher when we were done.  My older sister seemed annoyed that my Mom felt the need to remind us, as my sister routinely cleaned her dishes.  What struck me as interesting was why my Mom did feel the need to remind us.  So I asked her, “Mom, why is it so important to you that the dishes be in the dishwasher, that you wanted to remind us?”  She answered, “When I wake up in the morning, and I see dishes left over from the night before, it’s hard for me to relax knowing that I have some work to do right away,”  She continues, “ but when I wake up and the kitchen is clean, it gives me the best feeling of peace and happiness, because I can just relax while I have my breakfast.” 

Wow, I thought.  It’s not the cleaning of the dishes that she was really asking for… It was the peace of mind and relaxation in the morning that she really wanted.  After hearing this, I said to her, “Mom, knowing that this is what a clean kitchen will provide you, I will certainly make sure I clean my dishes after dinner.”  I admit that before I knew the importance to her, clean dishes didn’t seem like that big of a deal to me.

That experience  got me to thinking… how often do we ask for something from our husbands or boyfriends,  that might seem so simple and mundane to them, yet it may hold such importance to us?  How often does it not get done, and then we are frustrated and disappointed ?  I wonder, do they understand what taking the trash out, or picking up the Milk from the store, or picking up their socks will actually “provide” for you?  If they knew that it would give you peace of mind so you could sleep that night, or relieve you from stress, might it change things?  The Men I’ve talked to about this have confirmed that providing for their woman is very important, so if they know how to make her feel “relaxed, peaceful, at ease, or happy in that moment” they will do it, even if it’s something as simple as taking out the trash. 

The next time you have a request, or need something from him, perhaps you’ll explain what this simple request will “actually” provide for you, and how it will make you feel.    You might notice him wanting to provide for you in a whole new way!  Email me and let me know how your man became your hero this week!  I can’t wait to hear all about it!

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   Someone once said “In order to find the right person, you must BE the right person.”  I thought these words were so profound, especially after a conversation I had this week with my sister regarding her recent  pursuit for Mr. Right. 

I was reminded of myself years ago when I was looking for my perfect couple fine-saidaonlineman to complete me– to make me happy, so that I could begin my life as the better half of a “happy couple.”  I thought I needed to first find the right person, before I could be happy.  So I got married and thought I was all set.  After my marriage ended many years ago, I finally realized that expecting someone else to make me happy and complete me was a pretty tall order.  Especially when they can’t read my mind and may have no idea what truly makes my heart sing!  My happiness might also be unpredictable if I relied on others to always give it to me…

The next several years proved to be amazing as I embarked on my journey to BE the right person and be happy on my own first.  I sat down to think about the kind of person I admired, and the qualities they have that I would love to possess.  I was inspired to learn more, experience more, and do more.  I was having so much fun in my life that I seemed to be attracting similar people.  Even my family seemed to notice and they all grew happier in my presence.

My sister agreed with the importance of our own happiness, when she relayed her recent experiences of fun and fulfillment with her friends, her work, and her passions in her life.  As she is practicing being the “Right Person,” and doing the things that make her happy while she dates, she mentioned how excited she is that for the first time she doesn’t feel anxious about finding Mr. Right, but rather– she feels complete without the need to wait by the phone. Hallelujah!

Today, as I enjoy the love and care of my wonderful boyfriend, I remind myself that while it can be easy to let him make me happy every day, it’s also important to do the things that I know will create my own happiness like exercising, reading, and spending time with my friends.  What a great gift you can give yourself. This week, you might think about the things you did that made you happy before you were married, in a relationship, or had children.  Perhaps you are overdue for a happiness date with yourself? How much would your loved ones benefit if you were happier?  Please reply and let me know about your favorite thing.  I’d love to know what makes your heart sing!

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