Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Welcome Ladies! As a Speaker and Relationship Coach, I will show you a new perspective on how to be confident woman as bold as red lipstick! If you've ever been frustrated by the men in your life or felt overwhelmed trying to find your own balance and harmony, you have come to the right place for some answers!

Subscribe to my blog, and get ideas and tips for being your best self, and getting what you need from your man with a lot less effort. Perhaps you'll learn something new, or get a reminder to practice living in your fabulousness. Enjoy!

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woman-readingThis week, one of my girlfriends mentioned how frustrated she was that her husband needs about 30 minutes to unwind when he gets home from work.  At first, I was thinking to myself how I usually need about that much time to unwind after work too.  Then she mentioned that she gets frustrated because he needs this time even before she gets to kiss him, and tell him about her day.  She exclaimed, “What about my time?  When do I get to unwind from taking care of the kids all day?”  She admitted she was hurt that  he was choosing to read his motorcycle magazine rather than spend time with her and the kids.

I could completely understand why she might be frustrated.  What happens when you want to share something with your man, but he’s not able to listen in that moment?    My girlfriend was relieved to hear that it wasn’t something she said or did, and his behavior didn’t mean that he didn’t care about her.  Men are usually single-focused on one task at one time, and often they need transition time when they are moving from one task to the next, as may be the case when he’s leaving work, and coming home.  When they get their transition time, they are  much more able to give us all their attention and be in the moment with us, as my girlfriend also noticed with her husband.

As women, we multi-task so amazingly, we may not need transition time the way men do—but we do need a release or break from our list of to-do’s and our moments of handling so many things at once.  We are masterful at adapting to what everyone else needs at work, at home, and with our family and friends.  Do you ever feel like you are giving so much and you have so many things going it’s hard to keep it all straight?  I admit, sometimes I feel the urge to stop time for just a little while to take a break .  I now see where the expression, “Calgon, take me away!” came from.  If only I had time for a bubble-bath every day!

I’ve talked to many women who agree that simply having alone time while running errands away from the kids, or your husband, just won’t do it.  You may actually need Zone Out Time.  Zoning Out means you are not thinking about anything having to do with your own life, or the people in it.  I sometimes call it a mini holiday, or vacation.  My favorite way to Zone Out is reading US magazine, watching a good movie, or a good reality show.  For that brief time,  I get to take a break from all the to-do’s on my list and watch someone else’s life without any need to do anything about it.  It allows me to re-charge so I can tackle the rest of my list and be there for the people in my life.  It’s amazing how clear my mind feels after some zone out time.

It might seem like a guilty pleasure to have a moment when you are not being productive, but it’s actually a necessity.  I was so inspired by a woman I know who told her kids to give her 30 minutes of quiet time each day, so that she could read her favorite book.  She explained to them that if they gave her that time, she could be Super Mommy the rest of the day which meant they would have a lot more fun.  Guess what?  Soon, her kids were reminding her to take her Zone Out Time. 

Perhaps you too will take your 30 minutes a day, or whatever you might need to Zone Out from your to-do lists and many tasks calling to you?  How much more productive might you be, and how much more will you have to give?

I’d love to hear what you do to Zone Out, and what your tips are for making sure you get that time?  Feel free to click on the Comment link and share!

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I recently asked for the best relationship advise your Mom gave you.  One woman wrote back with advice about being independent:

“Best Relationship Advise from my Mom – Be Independent! Don’t expect a guy to take care of and provide for you. Provide for & take care of yourself. Guys respect you more when you are their equal.”

I really related to this, as I remember my Mom giving me the same advice.  Both she and my dad empowered me to do things for myself, so that I didn’t have to rely on a man to do them for me–just in case there wasn’t a man close by.    I’ve learned so much and I’ve had a lot of success in my life as a result.  So I viewed my independence as a great asset!   The thing they didn’t teach me was what to do when I did find a man who wanted to take care of and provide for me.  Do I still provide and take care of myself?  What if I let him provide for me some of the time?  Does that mean I’m not independent? 

I was having dinner with a girlfriend this week who mentioned that she’s having a hard time letting her boyfriend always pay for dinner or make plans for them.  I completely understood how she felt.  As women, when we can get so used to providing for ourselves, it can be hard to not want to plan every vacation, every dinner date, and have some part in taking care of things.  After all, we are so good at it, right?  We know that we will always get the result we want, if we do it ourselves.  I know this is how I always thought. 

Now, having been in an amazing relationship with my boyfriend for three years, I’m practicing being  receptive to him providing for me more and more.  I know he appreciates that I can open my own car door, carry my own bags, or pay for my own meal, but it’s also really neat to see the smile on his face when I show my appreciation for him providing and taking care of me in these moments.  He gets to be my hero.

This week, whether you are at work, at home or the grocery store,  a  man may offer to provide or take care of you in some way.  Rather than say “No thanks, I can do it,”  perhaps you’ll  say “Thank You,” and appreciate a moment of chivalry, so you can have take a much needed  rest.  Enjoy!  I look forward to reading your comments and great stories!

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I love to hear what others think.  I believe we each can grow so much from hearing the opinions, feedback, or questions from someone else who might know a lot about a topic based on their life experience, culture, and family background.  I’ve now made it really easy to comment on my blog posts from Red Lipstick Inc, so you too can share your thoughts with the rest of us.  At the bottom of each post, you can click on the COMMENT link, and share what’s on your mind.  You’ll notice it at the bottom of this link.  So easy!  Click on it now and tell me about your best tip for feeling confident.  I look forward to reading your thoughts and  learning a lot from you!

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women-laughingHave you ever laughed so hard, you couldn’t breathe?  That’s a good sign that perhaps you were experiencing humor therapy.  Research has shown health benefits of laughter ranging from strengthening the immune system, reducing stress, and increasing our endorphins.  Not to mention that it simply feels good!  Is it any wonder that we as women may be attracted to men with a great sense of humor?  How often do you laugh with friends, your children, or with yourself?    Sometimes laughter can be just what the doctor ordered.  I know sometimes when I have many tasks going on at one time, I just need a quick break from it all.  That’s when I love the release of a good giggle!

The next time you have a moment of feeling over-whelmed with your to-do list, try prescribing yourself a good laugh.  Watch a good comedy, read a joke of the day ( www.ajokeady.com) , or try finding the humor in whatever challenge you may be facing.  When you notice it, humor can be everywhere.   Notice how instantly your energy may increase and the amazing lift you feel.  If that doesn’t work, you can do like I do, and put on some red lipstick!  Makes me smile every time!

 

Check out the article below to learn more about the amazing effects of laughter:http://stress.about.com/od/stresshealth/a/laughter.htm

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Ever feel like the man in your life doesn’t compliment you enough or maybe he doesn’t hold your hand when you’d like him to?  A lot of the women I talk to agree that while their husbands and boyfriends may provide nice lifestyles for them, and do nice things for them, they wish they got more compliments and would love their men to tell them how they feel about them.  This got me to thinking – what if as men and women we are speaking different languages when it comes to expressing our love?  One day I asked my boyfriend “how do you know when you are loved?” 

He said he knew he was loved when he was touched, like when his back is scratched or rubbed.  Interestingly, this is also how he shows his love for me.  He  holds my hand, spontaneously kisses me, and is always doing things for me.  I just love it!   I’m so thrilled to hear him purrr when I scratch his back now, as I know what it means to him.  What has your man know that he is loved?  Does he know what it takes for you to know you’re loved?  Maybe he is working over-time to provide you with lavish gifts when all you may want is a love note to say “I love you”, or recognition and appreciation for all you do for him?   Perhaps all he may need to feel loved is a home-cooked meal?  Try asking your man “when he knows he is loved?”  Together you may find out what your love language is.   Are you auditory—and hear expressions of love?  Are you kinesthetic—and you feel expressions of love through touch?  Or perhaps you are visual, and you see expressions of love? 

To get another view of your love language, click on the following  link to the  book “ The 5 Love Languages.”  Take the 30 second quiz to quickly find yours.

http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/30sec.html#love

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Penny For Your Thoughts ?

February 22, 2009

Ever feel like getting thoughts and feelings out of your guy is like pulling teeth?  I sometimes catch myself asking my boyfriend a question, and when he doesn’t answer me fast enough, I want to give him multiple choice or answer for him.   I use to think it might be that men were slow or maybe they didn’t get the question?  Now I laugh about it because I realized that sometimes I’ve talked to men like I do with my girlfriends.  When I get together with my girlfriends, we talk over each other like gatherers do as if we just found the ripest berry and we must tell everyone!  I love it- and we don’t even notice if one of us is interrupting the other.  It’s like a berry-fest.  No wonder I was giving my boyfriend multiple choice!  I was expecting this interchange of details and berries!

 

As hunters, men can get straight to the point, and may not even mention what they think is obvious. This can certainly be frustrating for those of us gatherers who are hoping for a good berry report.  I have since learned that if I just ask a question, and actually pause for a few seconds, my boyfriend let’s me know exactly what he’s thinking—and it’s usually pretty brilliant!  I’m liking my new 30 second rule.  The next time you’re talking with your boyfriend, husband, or male co-worker, try pausing for 30 seconds.  You might owe a lot of pennies  for all the thoughts you get!

Now that the Holidays are over, I was thinking about how great it feels to have this new beginning of 2009 to start fresh.  Last week after writing about the “Perfect Gift,”  I remembered this YouTube video and found that it was humorous only because it is often true.  It had me think about how often I might have been visibly disappointed when I didn’t get what I wanted from men in the past.  How did you do this year?

 

I found myself being so grateful for the special gifts of love, attention, and yummy moments of care I received—almost as if it meant more—considering some of the challenges of 2008.  With such amazing support, I’m now even more excited about all the new things I want in 2009.  Among them are lots of laughter—I’m seeing the awesome effects of laughter in my mood and my health.  SNL is my new favorite show!  I’m super excited about a new workout routine I’m convinced will  have me look like Heidi Klum in 90 days!  I’ve also decided to give myself a manicure at least once a week to fill up my feminine tank in the midst of my work week.  Of course I’ve added more money, more time, and more sleep to the list too!  LOL    What’s on your “want” list for 2009?    Remember to share it with the cheerleaders in your life!!  Happy New Year!!

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The Perfect Gift?

December 24, 2008

So how do we find the perfect gift? The Holiday Season has got me thinking about how different men and women can be with gift-giving. As women, we can be so good at remembering every favorite thing of our loved ones. I keep track of favorite brands of T-shirts, electronics, perfume, and even favorite food. When I guess right, and give what I think may be the perfect gift, I feel like my family and friends will know how much I care about them. Really, isn’t it the best feeling when they say "This is exactly what I wanted.!"

I must admit, this has definitely back-fired at times. During the moments when I didn’t get the perfect gift, I suddenly thought that person didn’t care about me as much, especially if it was my boyfriend. Now I know why so often men will ask for hints or tips on what we want. I use to think they didn’t care enough to be creative. Now I realize how practical they are! Being results oriented, what if they are thinking, " How do I win here?" What’s wrong with giving a few hints, eh? Hmmm, now I have some ideas for my birthday this year!

Since gift-giving can be a display of how much we care, I’ve also started to wonder if the very act of "giving" is the perfect gift. Maybe that’s why it feels so good, when we give our time to help someone in need. It’s really an expression of us! Perhaps this season, as you receive gifts from your loved ones– take a moment to receive their gift of "Giving to You." You might find that it may not matter what is behind the wrapping paper after all! Happy Holidays!!

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