Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Welcome Ladies! As a Speaker and Relationship Coach, I will show you a new perspective on how to be confident woman as bold as red lipstick! If you've ever been frustrated by the men in your life or felt overwhelmed trying to find your own balance and harmony, you have come to the right place for some answers!

Subscribe to my blog, and get ideas and tips for being your best self, and getting what you need from your man with a lot less effort. Perhaps you'll learn something new, or get a reminder to practice living in your fabulousness. Enjoy!

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Time really flies when one is distracted with work, and life, doesn’t it?? It’s been a while since I’ve written, and I yet I still talk with so many women who are heavy in their search to find a man, figure him out, and have a successful relationship. Just the other day, I was in a hair salon, and the woman next to me overheard me talking about men, and asked me several burning questions all in the same breath!

Her eagerness to figure it all out inspired me to offer my perspective on these masculine creatures once again. My advice to her was to simply be complete and happy with herself, rather than maneuver and strategize what she could do to hold on to a man. Once she truly accomplished that, then men would be attracted to the REAL her, and not the version she thought they wanted to be with.

As we spoke, I realized that this could be easier said then done–after all, I have days when I don’t feel like my most confident self. The worst days are when I feel fat, bloated, or I get a pimple, and no amount of makeup will cover it up! Luckily, I’ve learned that men are attracted to authentic women, and they seem to have a radar to know the difference. When I learned this, I was so relieved, and it encouraged me to let it all out–so to speak. I’m so inspired by comedian/actresses like Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, and Tina Fey who are adored for their ability to let it all hang out in their authentic and real way. What if we all followed their example of letting our quirks be our assets?

These days, I do find my boyfriend giving me the most attention when I least expect it, which is usually when I’m hanging out with no make-up, being happy in my skin and speaking my mind. He always tells me how cute I am o-naturale, and seems to like when I express myself so he knows what I want. I now love when he calls me silly, cause I know I’m being my real self, and then he gets silly right back!

Do you expose the REAL you to the man in your life? If so, I bet it’s those seemingly quirky details about you that he likes the most ? Click on the link below for a fun read of the Top 13 Unexpected Things Men Love About Women. I’d also love your comments on what your funniest quirk is?

13 Unexpected Things Men Love About Women:
http://glo.msn.com/relationships/unexpected-things-men-love-about-women-7315.gallery?gt1=36010

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mixed messages_0 Working with men and women, I’ve discovered that one of the biggest areas of misunderstanding is in the way we communicate.  As you may have experienced first-hand with the men in your life, they tend to be very visual, and they use actions a lot more often than words to express how they feel or what’s on their mind.    Your man might care for you so much that he decides to plan a nice romantic dinner for you, although he may not actually say  “I love you.”  In his mind, it’s obvious by his actions.

The men I’ve talk to about this mentioned that they judge other men by their actions, so it’s a natural thing to express themselves by “doing,” rather than “telling.”  The women I’ve talked to have voiced much frustration, when their man neglects to tell them certain things, because he thinks its “obvious,” especially when it involves something important like picking up the relatives at the airport, or that he’ll be two hours late for their anniversary dinner.

It’s understandable that as women, we might be frustrated—since we communicate most often by using our words to express what’s on our mind, and how we feel about things.  If our man is trying to show how much he cares through his actions, we may sometimes miss it entirely, because we may be expecting him to “tell” us how much he cares about us.

This misunderstanding seems even more apparent in our society today, where many of us women are independent, successful, and we can provide most of the material things we want for ourselves.  When asked “What makes you happy?”  One group of women recently mentioned things like: adoration, attention, appreciation, companionship, and love from men.  The men I’ve talked to about this were shocked!  As it turns out, when a man is evaluating whether a woman is the one he wants to spend his life with, he notices the lifestyle she is currently accustomed to, and he evaluates if he can provide that same lifestyle for her, as he wants to make sure she is taken care of.

You can imagine the misunderstanding that might occur when a woman exclaims that she doesn’t need the fancy car, and the big diamond ring, and yet her “actions” shows her man otherwise.  If she is constantly looking at diamond rings, and talking about fancy cars, he receives a different message.  This doesn’t mean as women, we must apologize or diminish our success in life!  If you are dating, in a relationship, or married, perhaps you’ll simply consider that your man may notice your actions above anything you might say otherwise.

To avoid giving mixed messages, be sure to have your actions match your words.  Being clear about what you need to be happy could mean telling your man that you want to be in a relationship where you “work together to create the lifestyle you both want, and that you are provided with the love, care, and companionship that you’ve always wanted.”  Then by your actions of appreciation for what he does provide for you, you can send him the right message!  Enjoy the action!

men and women madLove is a pretty powerful emotion isn’t it?  If you have children, you no doubt love them so much you   would do anything for them.  I know I would go above and beyond for my loved ones.   As women, love can have us adapt to what is needed in each moment, whether it be nurturing a close friend in sadness, going to see your husband’s favorite band that you’re not crazy about, or perhaps even cancelling plans with your girlfriends for a hot date…all in the name of love, right?  I didn’t realize that men were different in this way until I over-heard a woman on a street corner telling another woman, “If he loved me enough, he would take out the trash without me telling him!”  I admit, I chuckled a bit to myself, because I wondered, ”What’s love got do with it?”

Then I realized that love has a lot to do with it, because as women, if we love someone, we often do all the things we think will make them happy, even if it’s something we would not choose to do.  I remember in a past relationship, I learned to fish, because of love.  I haven’t picked up a fishing rod since! 

I’ve seen over the years that we as women will move mountains for love.  What an amazing gift we have as the nurtures of the world!  It is natural that we might expect men to do the same.  This can cause some misunderstandings though, as Men are natural providers and protectors.  So imagine if the Hunter of a tribe decided to stay home with his woman to have quality time rather than hunt the deer?  The tribe would starve, and his woman would not be very happy.  In fact, the hunter might need to go on a long hunt just to make sure the tribe would have enough food to last.    Learning about these instincts has shed much light on a lot of my past frustrations with men.  Have you too ever found yourself thinking any of the following thoughts?

-“If he loved me enough, he would take five minutes every day to say hello in the middle of his work day” -“If he loved me enough, he would marry me now so that I could have kids before I’m past my prime.”
-“If he loved me enough, he would cancel his football night with the guys, so we could be together.”

When I’ve talked to men about this, they confirm that protecting and providing for the women in their life is the biggest way they show their love.  So he might work long hours to provide for his family so they have every thing they need.   He might  not want to get married right now, because he wants to be more stable in his job to provide the right home, and lifestyle for his wife and family, as that is what he thinks a good husband and father should do.  He may even need to spend time with the guys, so that he can get out some of the aggression he had at work, and be completely present when he comes home to you?

The next time you are upset about something your man did or didn’t do, rather than think to yourself, “If he loved me enough…” , perhaps you’ll remember that he may be providing and protecting for you in some way to show you how much he cares.  You might even say, “I understand you aren’t able to do this for me now.  When would be a good time, and what needs to happen so that you can do this for me?  In the example of marriage, you might ask, “What would need to happen for it to be the right time for you to be married and have children?”  Who knows… you might get the inside scoop on his plan of action, and find out that he was planning it with you in mind all along!

When’s the last time you had a “If he loved me enough” moment?  I look forward to hearing your stories!

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Smiling-ManGrowing up, I remember my Mom giving me relationship advice about how to find a man that would treat me like a Queen. I valued her insight so much, as I know she always wanted the best for me. I remember at the time, thinking to myself: "Well, if he is going to treat me like a queen, how should I treat him?" Now that I’m in a relationship in which I feel so loved and cared for, I find myself really wanting to give back to him. I love doing even the smallest things to have him feel appreciated even if it’s telling him how much I appreciate him fixing the sub-woofer in my car.  I love the way he smiles when he feels appreciated.  I notice how much more he seems to want to do for me when I appreciate him. 

I recently read an amazing article written by a man who talks about five easy ways to make your man smile. Click on the link below for the full article. Try any of these and see how quickly your man seems to smile and be happier. You might even find him being more responsive to you and your needs.

What kind of relationship advise did your Mom give you growing up?  I have heard so much wisdom over the years from  mothers and grandmothers I come in contact with.  Feel free to go to my site www.redlipstickinc.com  and click on ASK MARY, to send me your stories and questions. I can answer them on my next blog post. Your stories help the rest of us learn so much!

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Man Smile

 

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ALAMTLAL Many of you may have already heard of the recent book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.”  In this book,  Comedian Steve Harvey writes to us women, giving us the REAL scoop on what men really think about love, relationships, intimacy, and commitment.  I found it so fascinating, that I was compelled to tell you about some of my favorite revelations.  In the first chapter, “What Drives Men,” Steve Harvey explains that Men are driven by WHO they are, WHAT they do, and HOW much they make. No matter if he is a CEO, a CON, or both, everything he does is filtered through his title (who he is), how he gets the title (what he does), and the reward he gets for the effort (how much he makes).  These three things make up the DNA of manhood—the three accomplishments every man must achieve before he feels like he’s truly fulfilled his destiny as a man.

After reading this, I couldn’t help but think about the some of the men I’ve dated in the past who were so busy with work, and moving up the corporate ladder, that they didn’t seem to have time for me.  I can see now that it was never personal.  As a woman, I always thought, “why not accomplish and build it together?”  Now, I’m reminded that being focused on results while being a provider and protector,  many men may want to have it built before they share it.  Perhaps the next time, your man is working late, you’ll keep this in mind and know that it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to spend time with you! 

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Open to Interpretation?

November 6, 2008

Ever wish Men would simply give us a few hints to figure them out?  How cool would it be to have an Interpreter to decode every male expression or lack thereof?   Men may sometimes speak and behave so differently from women, no wonder it would seem a natural conclusion that we could be from different planets. I’ve started to ask myself one question about them: What if there is a good reason for that? Every time a man does something I don’t understand—I ask myself that question, and amazingly I learn that it’s usually not what I thought.   The next time you are perplexed by a man, rather than leave it open to your own interpretation –like I have done many times– perhaps you’ll find yourself considering what might be the good reason? Like me, you may even have a good laugh at the misunderstanding.!

Check out the following article from www.Oprah.com , about one man’s view  of “What Men Aren’t Telling Us”.    Feel free to write back with a male behavior you’d like help with decoding!     I’d love to provide some answers!http://www.oprah.com/article/relationships/dating/200807_omag_men_reveal

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Imagine what it might be like if there was a hidden language called "Manglish" that would unlock the mysteries of what men are thinking, and why they do the things they do. I admit that sometimes I mis-interpret their behavior, and I often laugh to myself when I realize it was all a misunderstanding. While I’m searching for the book on Manglish, what could be better than going straight to the source? — Check out the following link to hear 5 men reveal what they honestly think about women, dating, and relationships:

http://video.ivillage.com/player/?id=225044#videoid=225075

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