Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Welcome Ladies! As a Speaker and Relationship Coach, I will show you a new perspective on how to be confident woman as bold as red lipstick! If you've ever been frustrated by the men in your life or felt overwhelmed trying to find your own balance and harmony, you have come to the right place for some answers!

Subscribe to my blog, and get ideas and tips for being your best self, and getting what you need from your man with a lot less effort. Perhaps you'll learn something new, or get a reminder to practice living in your fabulousness. Enjoy!

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 applying rouge

Being in the cosmetics industry for eleven years taught me a lot of secrets to looking beautiful.  I think the biggest secret I learned was that if you feel beautiful, you look more beautiful.  While a little mascara and blush certainly helped, sometimes it was the inner boost that really counted.  In my own journey of realizing and noticing beauty around me, I discovered a few other things that have helped me actually feel beautiful and confident –even in the moments when I not feel’in it.  What’s your greatest beauty tip?  We would all love to know your secret! 

 

Mary’s Beauty Tip #1   Create a Beauty Mantra: “I’m the Party”

Years ago, I was feeling self-conscious about going to a gathering with people I didn’t know.  I thought of my younger sister who I always believed to be the life of the party.  She is very outgoing, and always made friends easily.  Inspired by her social ease, I suddenly started to think to myself, “I’m the Party!”  I said it about ten times while in my car outside the restaurant where I was meeting this group of strangers.  As I walked into restaurant I suddenly had thoughts of being “The Party.”  Since I was the party, I felt as though it was now up to me to be open, inviting, and help the others open up and have fun.  I found myself in a giving, beautiful spirit.  That night I made great friends that I still hold dear today!

To create your own mantra, start by thinking of a woman you admire like your sister, your best-friend, a favorite celebrity, maybe, Oprah?  Think of the quality she may embody that you admire the most. Perhaps she is open-minded, radiant, easy-going, or confident?  Often that’s the quality we’d like to embody.  Turn that quality into a mantra for you: Confidence is my middle name!  I am self-expression!   I am LOVE!  When you wake up this week, try repeating that mantra several times as you wake up, or before you spend time with people and see how beautiful you feel!

 

Mary’s Beauty Tip #2   Create a Beauty Ritual: Reveal the Girlie!

After a full day of having direction, to do lists, and being in focus-mode, create a ritual to reveal your inner girlie that’s been waiting all day to simply feel.  Find out what has you feel re-charged and rejuvenated. (Painting your nails, taking a bath, or lathering up with sweet-scented lotion) Something involving your powerful sense of smell or touch.  This ritual must be done regularly to be a ritual: a ceremonial act or series of such acts. My girlie ritual is simply to slather on my favorite vanilla-orange scented lotion all over my body (Hugo Naturals from Whole Foods—Sooo yummy!).  I touch my soft skin, and I feel like my girliness has just been unveiled.  My man loves it too!

 

Mary’s Beauty Tip #3   Have a Beauty Quick-Fix: What’s your red lipstick?

When you need a quick-fix to help you smile and breath in the midst of your challenging day, create a beauty quick-fix–something you do that instantly has you feel happier, and beautiful.  Think of your favorite perfume scent, lipstick, or maybe your favorite song. ( It could be something that reminds you of your last moment of beauty- a vacation, a hot date, or fun night out)  Years ago, before a big meeting at work, I was feeling very stressed and tired from working the night before.  I had forgotten my make-up bag, and all I had was red lipstick in my purse.  I put it on, and when I looked in the mirror, I suddenly felt alive.  The boldness of the red seemed to wake me up, and I couldn’t help but smile and feel confident and beautiful (It might have also been the memory of the fun I had the last time I wore red lipstick in Vegas).  My meeting went very well and ever since then, I keep my red lipstick handy when I need a pick-me-up.  Take it from me–Having that quick-fix handy can give a much needed lift to the spirit, so your beauty can abound.

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DatingHave you ever dated a guy, and decided to call it quits because there just wasn’t enough “chemistry?” If so, you are not alone. It seems our culture has put a huge value on chemistry between men and women. If we don’t have chemistry, we don’t seem to have that “spark” that has us be attracted to them. When I learned what chemistry really is, I found myself realizing why all the guys I liked in high school made my palms sweat when they walked by me, and why I could barely speak in their presence.

When we feel chemistry with someone, what we may be feeling is a chemical reaction. More specifically, it’s the reaction of dopamine-the feel good chemical & testosterone-the hunter hormone our body has when we have an intense physical attraction. The rush of this attraction might be so intense, that it has us be in survival mode as “we must have his sperm to promote the survival of our species.” It may sound crazy, but it can truly feel like a life and death situation if we don’t get that guy, when we are under the influence of this drug I will now affectionately call chemistry. ( Perhaps that’s why I remember so many of my girlfriends in high school say, “I’ll just die if he doesn’t ask me to prom!”)

In my twenties, I remember dating several guys that seemed to trigger this chemical reaction in me. They were so good-looking, seemed so strong and manly, and possessed my vision of the Ken Doll, that I just had to have them. I knew I had it bad, when I couldn’t sleep, work, or do anything else without wondering what my dream guy was doing, when I’d see him, how come he hadn’t called me in three hours, or if he would notice when I wore his favorite color. I also seemed to get my feelings hurt a lot when I was with them.

I can see now that my physical chemical reaction to them had me contort myself into who I thought I needed to be to win them. I was in hunt mode, and I completely lost myself. I lost my likes and dislikes, my preferences, and I lost all the things that were important to me. Eventually, things didn’t work out, because I grew exhausted being this other person, and I wasn’t really giving them a chance to show me who they really were either. How many of you can relate to Katherine Heigl’s character in the move: “The Ugly Truth?” I laughed so hard, because I could see myself in her. Remember how much she changed who she was just to win the guy of her dreams? In the end, the guy she fell in love with was the guy who got to see who she really was. He was charmed and enchanted by her authentic self, and actually wanted to be with her beyond the physical attraction.

Whether you’re in a relationship or single and dating, perhaps you’ll notice those moments when the chemical reaction of intense physical attraction is clouding your thinking and having you behave like someone else. Your friends may also be a great radar to sound the alarm, when you are twisting yourself like a pretzel to get the guy. Instead, try dating off-type or spending time with guys that don’t have you be speechless in their presence. Remember, the physical attraction will lead to sex, but being your authentic self can lead to finding someone who wants to spend time with you and make you happy in addition to all the other fun activities you will share together…

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