Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Welcome Ladies! As a Speaker and Relationship Coach, I will show you a new perspective on how to be confident woman as bold as red lipstick! If you've ever been frustrated by the men in your life or felt overwhelmed trying to find your own balance and harmony, you have come to the right place for some answers!

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DatingHave you ever dated a guy, and decided to call it quits because there just wasn’t enough “chemistry?” If so, you are not alone. It seems our culture has put a huge value on chemistry between men and women. If we don’t have chemistry, we don’t seem to have that “spark” that has us be attracted to them. When I learned what chemistry really is, I found myself realizing why all the guys I liked in high school made my palms sweat when they walked by me, and why I could barely speak in their presence.

When we feel chemistry with someone, what we may be feeling is a chemical reaction. More specifically, it’s the reaction of dopamine-the feel good chemical & testosterone-the hunter hormone our body has when we have an intense physical attraction. The rush of this attraction might be so intense, that it has us be in survival mode as “we must have his sperm to promote the survival of our species.” It may sound crazy, but it can truly feel like a life and death situation if we don’t get that guy, when we are under the influence of this drug I will now affectionately call chemistry. ( Perhaps that’s why I remember so many of my girlfriends in high school say, “I’ll just die if he doesn’t ask me to prom!”)

In my twenties, I remember dating several guys that seemed to trigger this chemical reaction in me. They were so good-looking, seemed so strong and manly, and possessed my vision of the Ken Doll, that I just had to have them. I knew I had it bad, when I couldn’t sleep, work, or do anything else without wondering what my dream guy was doing, when I’d see him, how come he hadn’t called me in three hours, or if he would notice when I wore his favorite color. I also seemed to get my feelings hurt a lot when I was with them.

I can see now that my physical chemical reaction to them had me contort myself into who I thought I needed to be to win them. I was in hunt mode, and I completely lost myself. I lost my likes and dislikes, my preferences, and I lost all the things that were important to me. Eventually, things didn’t work out, because I grew exhausted being this other person, and I wasn’t really giving them a chance to show me who they really were either. How many of you can relate to Katherine Heigl’s character in the move: “The Ugly Truth?” I laughed so hard, because I could see myself in her. Remember how much she changed who she was just to win the guy of her dreams? In the end, the guy she fell in love with was the guy who got to see who she really was. He was charmed and enchanted by her authentic self, and actually wanted to be with her beyond the physical attraction.

Whether you’re in a relationship or single and dating, perhaps you’ll notice those moments when the chemical reaction of intense physical attraction is clouding your thinking and having you behave like someone else. Your friends may also be a great radar to sound the alarm, when you are twisting yourself like a pretzel to get the guy. Instead, try dating off-type or spending time with guys that don’t have you be speechless in their presence. Remember, the physical attraction will lead to sex, but being your authentic self can lead to finding someone who wants to spend time with you and make you happy in addition to all the other fun activities you will share together…

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1 Comment »

  1. Explosions from bombs are also the result of “chemistry”. They are the result of “an extremely sudden and violent release of energy.” Some how we humans think that these explosions inside us mean we’re in love.

    I think Spiritual Chemistry is the kind of energy that slowly releases power over time that is sustainable. It’s the kind of energy that can power a city in Light rather than blow it up.

    But of course, in a culture that likes instant chemical explosions, like alcohol, sex chemistry is here to stay. :)

    Comment by Erol — December 16, 2009 @ 7:20 pm

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