This seems a simple question doesn’t it?  It’s a small detail, and yet if our man doesn’t know the color of our eyes, it can have us think that he doesn’t care about us, and perhaps it can even feel like he’s not being present enough to notice even the little things about us.  This week, my friend Kimberly told me about her shock, when her boyfriend thought her eyes were hazel, when they are clearly brown.  She couldn’t understand how he could look into her eyes during their many soulful conversations, and not remember that she had brown eyes!

I could relate to Kimberly’s disappointment and frustration.  As women, we are so good at remembering the details about the people we love.  One would think we have a photographic memory that stores all the preferences– favorite foods, clothes, books, movies, songs, colors, and virtually all the details involving our loved ones, so that we can show how much we care by buying them their favorite cd, cooking their favorite meal, or taking them to their favorite place.

I often smile, when my boyfriend and I go to a restaurant, and he asks me, “Do you remember what I got the last time we were here?  Did I like it?”  By now, he knows that I remember many of those details and loves that I can provide that for him.  I think that reflex ability in me might be something that Gatherers used back in the cave man days when they needed to know exactly where the ripe berries were located in the meadow, and which ones were poisonous, or high in caloric value.  If they didn’t remember these details, the survival of the tribe was in danger.

For men, the survival of the tribe was dependent on their ability to hunt.  Even today, men use their single-focus to hunt “results” all day long.  Sometimes, I’ll notice when my boyfriend is so focused on getting us to a party or a movie on time, that he doesn’t notice my new outfit, and forgets to tell me how pretty I look.   The last time this happened, I remembered the fact that he was focused on getting us there.  That was his job, and he was committed to getting me their safely.  I also remembered that when a man is in hunt-mode, all other details that are not related to the hunt are tuned out.  When we got to restaurant, he arranged for us to sit right next to each other in the booth ( I looove sitting close to him), and when we got settled,  I knew he was done with his hunt, when he looked at me, and said, “Hi Pretty-girl”, and gave me a big kiss.  I told him in that moment how much I love when he notices me and tells me I’m pretty.  Since then, he seems to notice me, and tell me I’m pretty all the time, and when I least expect it.  Those are the best moments!

Perhaps, your man may be so single-focused on his hunt, that he doesn’t notice certain details that you think are important.  Rather than conclude that he doesn’t care about you, perhaps you’ll remember that he may be focused on a different result, like providing for you in some way.  Give him a clue about the certain details that are important to you—that show you that he cares.  Maybe even give him a hint by asking, “How do I look?  I just got my hair done today”  Then you might tell him how much you love when he notices that one thing that will have you smiling all day!  Enjoy those unexpected moments of yumminess that follow!

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