Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Welcome Ladies! As a Speaker and Relationship Coach, I will show you a new perspective on how to be confident woman as bold as red lipstick! If you've ever been frustrated by the men in your life or felt overwhelmed trying to find your own balance and harmony, you have come to the right place for some answers!

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Remember last week I spoke of finding Confident Harmony with the men in my life?  Well, a few of you wrote back asking what that actually looks like, and curious if it is something you might even want in your life?  

As I thought more about how to describe this state of Confident Harmony, I remembered that every woman I’ve ever talked to would love to be more confident.  We even have our own role models for confidence.  I look up to Arianna Huffington as a great example of a confident woman.  I love her elegant way of always speaking her mind.

So what happens when you add harmony into the mix?

Confidence is defined as: to have, or show faith.  So when a woman is described as confident, it may seem that she has faith in herself.  She makes decisions well, she is clear about what she wants, and has faith in her abilities.  When you add harmony to the mix (a pleasing combination of elements in a whole), imagine a woman who has faith in herself, and faith in the pleasing combination of people with different abilities around her. What you will notice, is a woman who is strong, uncompromising in her values, and alert to the strengths in the people around her, so that she can accomplish what she needs and wants.  I call that woman unstoppable!

I often experience this state of “Confident Harmony” as a result of practicing something I call the Harmony Process.  I say “often” because as imperfect human beings, we may have our moments when our fear, anger, and frustration can take over, and all our faith goes out the window.  When those moments happen to me, this Harmony Process helps bring me back to where I wanna be to get what I need with grace.  It consists of four steps to follow any time you encounter a frustrating situation with a man behaving in a way you might think is “stupid,“ or just plain wrong in your opinion.  This week, I’ve outlined step one for you to practice!

Step 1:  Identify the so-called “Stupid” Behavior without Evaluation

This might seem to be an easy thing to do, but in the heat of the moment, when we are frustrated, our observation skills may not be as accessible, and it can be easy to jump to conclusions about what a man just did, and how he possibly could have done it, especially if it really hurt us or someone else.  My friend Nathali really thought her husband leaving his socks on the floor was his way of saying, “He didn’t care about how much work it took for her to clean the house.”  In this case she was able to see that the only thing he was ACTUALLY doing was leaving his socks on the floor. Acknowledging this was the first step for her to get what she needed from her husband John.  She realized that this action of leaving socks on the floor was merely that—one action she didn’t understand or agree with.  By not taking it personal, she became free to see what was really going on, and deal with it.  She realized that he was so single-focused on his other tasks (a strength of men), that he didn’t even see the socks!

Be easy on yourself this week as you practice this step of “identifying” the behavior of men that is standing in the way of you getting what you need.  Remember how different men are from women.  They have twenty times more testosterone than we do, and that changes how their brains are designed and the strengths they’ve developed.  Rather than see the behavior for what you think it means, try observing the actions only.  If your man brings his laptop to the table at dinner, he didn’t insult your cooking and your hard-work, he simply brought the laptop to the table, period. Practicing this step this week will help you ease into Step 2 of gaining Confident Harmony:  Getting Clear on Your Expectations.  Stay tuned for that next week!

P.S.   I’d love to hear about the biggest thing your man did that you thought was stupid!  Please do send them my way, by commenting on this post, or sending me a question on my site: www.redlipstickinc.com

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