Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Welcome Ladies! As a Speaker and Relationship Coach, I will show you a new perspective on how to be confident woman as bold as red lipstick! If you've ever been frustrated by the men in your life or felt overwhelmed trying to find your own balance and harmony, you have come to the right place for some answers!

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Is He too Opinionated?

December 2, 2009

opinions.gifDid you ever find yourself talking to a man who seemed too pushy with his opinion? I’ve come across many men in my life who I thought were so opinionated and stubborn especially when it was about something as trivial as Toyota being the best brand of car to buy, or that shapely arms are the sexiest part of a woman’s body. It even seemed at times that they would defend their opinions to the death. I couldn’t relate–in fact I thought they were behaving so silly and ridiculous over nothing. You may be nodding your head in agreement…

What I didn’t realize back then is how men relate to their opinions differently than women. For a man, his opinion is a window into his soul, to see what he really cares about, and values. Men base these values on facts and information they trust. When my friend was adamant about Toyota being the best brand, it was based on the facts he gathered. After I got over what I thought was completely stupid behavior at the time, I asked him why he thought that way? He finally shared some of the data he studied that showed Toyota having the safest, and the most economical cars at that time. Then I finally got it! Safety and getting a good return on investment were both important values that were part of who he was. No wonder he seemed a little disappointed when I didn’t see his point at first. It must have appeared as though I was rejecting him as a person.

Of course, as women–this may still not make sense, since we may often base our opinion about someone or something on our feelings about them. This is one of our many gifts that help us relate to people and be sensitive to what is needed by others. We can be so in touch with our feelings that we may rely on them to help us make decisions. Often I choose my outfit for the day, based on how I want to feel–girlie, professional, or maybe relaxed. I think that’s where the term, “shoe confidence” might have came from. I have found myself even deciding if I like people based on how I feel when I’m around them.

This was made clear to me when I use to work at Staples in the corporate sales department. On many occasions, I got excited about a big order I was about to get. I had such great relationships with my clients, and felt so good about the great job I was doing, that my enthusiasm was very obvious–especially to my manager who made me really uncomfortable. He always rained on my parade by asking with a sarcastic tone,”Have they signed the contract yet? Don’t hatch all your eggs until the order is delivered.” I remember feeling like he just didn’t like me, and I couldn’t leave his office fast enough. One day he shared with me how he once lost a big order because of problems with delivery, so after that he played by the book, and didn’t report any sales until they were officially delivered. I laughed inside, remembering how personal I took his previous remarks. The next time I showed enthusiasm about my future successes, I gave him a few more facts like the delivery dates, and watched as his face lit up with excitement too!

The next time you hear a man sharing his opinion you don’t agree with or understand, rather than try to argue with him, or think he’s being stubborn and dismissing your feelings like I did, perhaps you’ll see an opportunity to learn more about what he values and cares about. Try asking him, ” What has you believe that way?”, or “Can I ask what had you make that decision? Who knows, You might be surprised by what he shares about himself.

As I research for my upcoming book about men, I’d love to hear your stories of the men you love and their opinions you just don’t understand. Please send them my way to: mary@redlipstickinc.com.

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