Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Welcome Ladies! As a Speaker and Relationship Coach, I will show you a new perspective on how to be confident woman as bold as red lipstick! If you've ever been frustrated by the men in your life or felt overwhelmed trying to find your own balance and harmony, you have come to the right place for some answers!

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thumbnailCAQUMSOYCalling all Confident Women! I know you are out there, and as much faith as you have in yourself, and as good as you are at getting things done, do you ever have a moment of feeling over-whelmed? Do you ever just wish that the man in your life would SEE how over-whelmed you are and rescue you once in a while? I have had many, many moments like that, and I even thought the men in my life were clueless, until I finally learned this next step in the harmony process. Try it, and enjoy getting what you need instead of always having to do it yourself for change!

Step 3: Clearly Request What You Need
This step might seem simple to do– and you might even think you are really good at it. Think about how many times you’ve asked your man do do something, and after the third or fourth time, you finally gave up when he didn’t do it. He may have even complained that you keep nagging him, right? I added the word “Clearly” in this step, because I noticed that as clear as I always thought I was being, given that men and women think differently, I found that my requests were not being received and understood in a way that would have them act.

Clearly requesting what you need means, stating even what YOU think is obvious. Remember, last week, we talked about our expectations? Well, knowing exactly what you’re expecting will help you ask for what you need specifically. One woman I interviewed named Betty told me about the time she sent her husband to the store for some parmesan cheese. She assumed he would get the same brand she always got- to her it was obvious. When he got back, she couldn’t believe–he bought the first parmesan cheese he saw–which turned out to be an imported brand that cost twenty dollars. She mentioned that he had this proud look on his face that he got the right type of cheese that she didn’t have the heart to tell him it was not the kind she really wanted.

Even this simple example of the cheese illustrates the importance of being specific and clear with what you need. Men are so good at being single-focused on a RESULT like: Get the cheese– that they are not destracted by the details. I remember Betty saying, “Well, I guess I’ll just have to buy the parmesan cheese from now on.” I suggested that she use her husband’s strength of single focus to her advantage. So she took my advice and gave him a different result, by writing down the name and price of the cheese she likes before he went to the store the next time.

This week, try “Clearly Requesting What You Need.” If it is something like taking out the trash, or doing something around the house that you think obviously needs to be done, honor the fact that it’s not obvious to him, since he is probably single-focused on a different result. You can clearly ask by saying : “I know you’re busy with work during the week, and you may not notice the trash when it’s full. If I let you know when it’s full, would you be willing take it out FOR ME? It makes me so happy when the kitchen smells clean.” Be sure you let him know how it will make you feel. When he knows that he can win with you by doing this for you, you may find him asking you what else you need. Practice this step, and stay tuned for the final step in the Harmony Process next week!

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