Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Welcome Ladies! As a Speaker and Relationship Coach, I will show you a new perspective on how to be confident woman as bold as red lipstick! If you've ever been frustrated by the men in your life or felt overwhelmed trying to find your own balance and harmony, you have come to the right place for some answers!

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men-watching-tv-football-sandwiches1  Last week, I suggested how to ask for what you really want from your man.  I received a lot of feedback regarding that topic, and it appears that many of us share a similar frustration with how to get what we need with more ease.  “Wouldn’t it be easier if they could just read our minds?”– one woman asked. Well perhaps they could if they were women—but thank God they’re not, right?

Last week, I suggested when asking  him to take out the trash, or pick up his beer bottles after watching TV, to  let him know what it really provides for you, and how it will make you feel—whether it relieves the stress of you cleaning up after a long day of watching the kids, or how happy it makes you feel knowing the house is clean. 

Equally as important, is to let him know how it makes you feel when it doesn’t happen.  Will you be overwhelmed, stressed, cranky—or anxious?  These are valid points to discuss, as you’ll want your man to know what has you be in distress.  This way he can help you slay those dragons.  So, I know you might be thinking–what if he still doesn’t do it? 

The men I’ve talked to about this, admit that they are often so focused on the current task right in front of them (as good hunters should be, right?).  Sometimes, they need a quick reminder from their woman to do the things they promised to do.  This of course does not mean they love their woman any less.  Ever hear of the famous “honey-do list”?  Since men respond to tasks, this is one  way to communicate clearly what you need them to “hunt” for you.  Other men may respond best to a simple conversation:

“ Honey, can I interrupt you for a minute?  I need to ask you something.  When you’re done watching TV, it would help me so much if you picked up your beer bottles and threw them away.  I’ve noticed that when the living room is clean, I feel such a happy sigh of relief, and it’s easier for me to focus on fixing dinner or taking care of the kids.” 

The second part of this conversation is key:  Be sure to ask him if he needs anything from you in order to do that for you.  This way it’s a two-way agreement. “Is there anything you need from me, in order to help me out in that way?”  Be prepared—he may just say, “ Sometimes, I’m focused on the game or an important work project on my computer, so If you could remind me sometimes, that would be great!” 

Keep in mind you may not always need to remind him, but doing it with love and appreciation in your voice will go a long way, rather than an irritated tone in your voice that says “I can’t believe he forgot again.”  Have you ever forgotten to do something you promised to do? I know I have, and I when it happens, I feel terrible.  Imagine your man feeling the same way before you decide to remind him of his moment of short-coming.  Be sure to appreciate and acknowledge when he does gives you what you need, and soon you may find him wanting to give to you more often.

In addition to providing a list, having a two-way agreement, and appreciating him, men have told me that being very specific is also important when asking for what you want.  Think about the literal thing you are asking for.  If you want him to spend more time with you and the kids, rather than ask “When are you going to stop working so many long hours?”, and hope he reads your mind— ask for what you really want: “Honey, the kids and I have been missing you lately, and we’d love to enjoy some quality time with you soon—when do you think we can schedule a day together?”

Even at the end of the day you can say: “I would love to enjoy 20 or 30 minutes with you tonight and re-connect after our long day.  When is a good time for you?”

Often, our busy days can get away from us, and I know I personally get distracted with my own to-do list.  When I’m mindful to ask for what I want–rather than assume my man can  read my mind or that it’s just common sense–I notice such a difference.  When I sincerely express how important it is to me, I’m amazed at the response!  Perhaps you’ll get a chance to ask for what you want this week, and feel some relief when you get it!  Enjoy!