Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Welcome Ladies! As a Speaker and Relationship Coach, I will show you a new perspective on how to be confident woman as bold as red lipstick! If you've ever been frustrated by the men in your life or felt overwhelmed trying to find your own balance and harmony, you have come to the right place for some answers!

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MenGivingAttention Doesn’t it feel amazing when your man pays attention to you?  Sometimes it feels like I’m the center of his universe in that moment.  Imagine if you could get as much attention from him as you wanted.  What would that picture look like?  Would he be rubbing your feet?  Telling you how beautiful you are constantly? Perhaps he would notice every nice thing you did for him, and instantly show his un-ending gratitude by showering you with I love you-s?

I wonder, what does it mean to get “enough” attention?  I had the good fortune of listening to fifty-two men speak, about their need for “attention” from their woman, this weekend at a co-ed workshop.  I was surprised to hear that “attention” seemed to be just as important to them, and in some cases not getting it, was the cause of much heart-ache and eventually led to break-up.  I was even more surprised at what they described as “enough attention”.  Many of them agreed on the idea that attention was, in many cases, an instance or feeling of being cared about by their woman.  It might be displayed by her bringing him coffee in his favorite mug in the morning before work.  Perhaps she’ll notice that he is frustrated or cranky, and ask if he’s eaten yet.  Of course physical attention was ranked on the top of the list, simply because our feminine spirit has a great re-charging effect on men.  Above all, it appears that while the little moments of attention for the men might be different, they all included a consistent attitude of care and sincere interest for his happiness and well-being.  Everything she did for him was done with a smile, and he instantly knew she had his back.

I couldn’t help but think how similar the need for attention seems to be with men and women.  The women I’ve talked to agree that it’s the little moments of attention that count the most.  Sometimes it’s the text message that says “Thinking about you- Beautiful!”  Or the way he comes over and kisses her neck when she least expects it.  Those magic moments might be different for each of us, yet the magical connection we feel is the same.

So I ask you ladies, how do we get “enough” of whatever kind of attention we need and how to we give our man what he needs without feeling like we haven’t received any?  Think about that picture in your head of your man giving you exactly the kind of attention you love the most.  I invite you to write down what he is doing for you, and how it makes you feel.  Does it make you feel safe, cared for, loved, rejuvenated?  Now ask yourself, “Have I ever told him that these things are the magical things he does that have me feel safe, cared for, loved and rejuvenated?  You might think it’s obvious, and perhaps you think you’ve given him very clear clues as to what you need.  Keep in mind that he’s human, and he may have forgotten, or you might not have given him the proper appreciation the last time, so he may not know that he can win with you when he gives you that which you say you need.

Friendly reminders that include gratitude are so important; otherwise you may find yourself feeling neglected and resentful that he doesn’t appreciate how you care for him. When men and women don’t get the attention they need from their significant other, they may eventually give up on getting it from them, and find themselves more receptive to the attention they get from outside their relationship.  It seems unfortunate that this could happen, but sometimes our work, busy schedules, busy calendars, and responsibilities can get in the way, and have us forget to give each other what we need.  Before you  find yourself giving up on enjoying those “magical moments” of kisses on the neck, morning back rubs, or daily “I love you-s,” take the time to forgive each other for being human, and remind your man how much you love those little things he does that have his attention on you, and make you feel so special.

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