Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Mary Loyer: Founder of Red Lipstick Inc.

Welcome Ladies! As a Speaker and Relationship Coach, I will show you a new perspective on how to be confident woman as bold as red lipstick! If you've ever been frustrated by the men in your life or felt overwhelmed trying to find your own balance and harmony, you have come to the right place for some answers!

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men and women madLove is a pretty powerful emotion isn’t it?  If you have children, you no doubt love them so much you   would do anything for them.  I know I would go above and beyond for my loved ones.   As women, love can have us adapt to what is needed in each moment, whether it be nurturing a close friend in sadness, going to see your husband’s favorite band that you’re not crazy about, or perhaps even cancelling plans with your girlfriends for a hot date…all in the name of love, right?  I didn’t realize that men were different in this way until I over-heard a woman on a street corner telling another woman, “If he loved me enough, he would take out the trash without me telling him!”  I admit, I chuckled a bit to myself, because I wondered, ”What’s love got do with it?”

Then I realized that love has a lot to do with it, because as women, if we love someone, we often do all the things we think will make them happy, even if it’s something we would not choose to do.  I remember in a past relationship, I learned to fish, because of love.  I haven’t picked up a fishing rod since! 

I’ve seen over the years that we as women will move mountains for love.  What an amazing gift we have as the nurtures of the world!  It is natural that we might expect men to do the same.  This can cause some misunderstandings though, as Men are natural providers and protectors.  So imagine if the Hunter of a tribe decided to stay home with his woman to have quality time rather than hunt the deer?  The tribe would starve, and his woman would not be very happy.  In fact, the hunter might need to go on a long hunt just to make sure the tribe would have enough food to last.    Learning about these instincts has shed much light on a lot of my past frustrations with men.  Have you too ever found yourself thinking any of the following thoughts?

-“If he loved me enough, he would take five minutes every day to say hello in the middle of his work day” -“If he loved me enough, he would marry me now so that I could have kids before I’m past my prime.”
-“If he loved me enough, he would cancel his football night with the guys, so we could be together.”

When I’ve talked to men about this, they confirm that protecting and providing for the women in their life is the biggest way they show their love.  So he might work long hours to provide for his family so they have every thing they need.   He might  not want to get married right now, because he wants to be more stable in his job to provide the right home, and lifestyle for his wife and family, as that is what he thinks a good husband and father should do.  He may even need to spend time with the guys, so that he can get out some of the aggression he had at work, and be completely present when he comes home to you?

The next time you are upset about something your man did or didn’t do, rather than think to yourself, “If he loved me enough…” , perhaps you’ll remember that he may be providing and protecting for you in some way to show you how much he cares.  You might even say, “I understand you aren’t able to do this for me now.  When would be a good time, and what needs to happen so that you can do this for me?  In the example of marriage, you might ask, “What would need to happen for it to be the right time for you to be married and have children?”  Who knows… you might get the inside scoop on his plan of action, and find out that he was planning it with you in mind all along!

When’s the last time you had a “If he loved me enough” moment?  I look forward to hearing your stories!

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  1. Right on! “If he loved me he would…” is also about domination.

    Expecting a person to do exactly what we want, with no care for what they want, is simply domination. it’s not love. We men don’t respond well to domination, no one does.

    As you hinted, if he keeps giving in to her domination, eventually she won’t trust and respect him. It’s not then the old submissive house wive and it’s not the domination of another. What is it?

    So I guess the question is, what is “love” then?

    Comment by Erol — July 29, 2009 @ 2:31 pm

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